Loneliness and the game of Sardines.

This week has been heavy. To the office with a reduced number of colleagues keeping appropriate space and meeting via zoom to talk about layoffs, cancelling plans, and shutting down services; the few times I have made it out of the house have been heavy.

Like you, I see the images and hear the stories of those who are in isolation, quarantine, or lockdown. Many are struggling with boredom or a lack of connection. Making matters worse, there is bad news: unemployment. Or even worse, no news: unanswered questions for how long this will continue to be our "normal"

Heavy.

I'm reading Feed by M.T. Anderson. Like Brave New World or 1984, it is a futuristic look at life in a world that is dominated by technology. In Feed, the world has put down their devices altogether and opted instead to have their brains physically wired to a constant feed of content, psuedo-connectedness, commercials.

As you can imagine, this can cause some problems with a person's mental health.

In a beautiful scene, the main character describes how the feed has resulted in a constant sense of loneliness. Anderson uses the game Sardines to describe the onset of loneliness. In the game one person hides. Once they find her, everyone else hides with this person (kind of the opposite of a quarantine). The last person is left alone, looking for the group.

You know, there's this weird moment where you realize that you're alone, and no one else has been walking for a while. You realize that the moment, the exact moment when you became alone, is already over. You've been that way for a while. The weirdest thing is that you know that you're more alone than anyone, but that more people are thinking about you than ever before... So you're more alone but more watched... Alone, but thought about.

In a time of quarantine and social distancing, many people are feeling as if they are the last one playing Sardines. We are the only one left walking in the quiet and still, while everyone else looks on. And (here's the point of the book) all of the things we've invented to help us stay connected to this group: social media, emails, zoom meetings, even lo-tech telephone calls, only help to feed our loneliness; to feel watched and thought about, but not really connected.

Don't let this game of Sardines continue on indefinitely with you as the last person looking for connection.

• Temporarily disconnect from unnecessary mediated relationships, they are not a substitute for the real thing. A social-media fast might actually be a good thing right now.

• Make new (real-life) connections in your neighborhood... from a safe distance. This is what we love about the videos of neighbor/strangers in China and Italy sharing music over balconies and porches: something awful has brought people together.

• Stay active. There is an undeniable link between physical activity and mental health.

• Read and learn. Allow yourself to be influenced by new ideas, think new thoughts and to see things in a fresh way. Express yourself. Write a blog post.

• Clean your garage or work on that project you've been putting off. You'll accomplish something on your own; you'll be proud of you did.

Loneliness, during a time like this, is an appropriate emotion to experience. But please, don't stay there long.

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One more quote from Feed that seems appropriate given our current situation:

The only thing worse than the thought it may all come tumbling down is the thought that we may go on like this forever.

I don't know how long this normal will last, but what follows can be a normal that will be better than the normal we had before.

Stay healthy - stay connected!