In Over My Head

Have you ever felt like a complete phony?

That someone will discover something about you and be disappointed when that aspect of your life doesn't fit the facade you've created? That at any minute they will find out you can't do what you said you can do and they will fire you? You can't deliver what you've promised? You're not as smart? As talented? or as interesting as they thought you were?

That's the kind of week I've had.

Over the last few months, I have been working very hard to learn how to become a great Development Director. Podcasts. Books. Advice. But none of it prepared me for the moment during a meeting this week when a prospective donor, one I was counting on to meet my goals, basically said no to my proposal. "You're not good enough."

I have that same crushing feeling as I complete an orientation program to become an online professor at a small college in Lansing. Every time I push the POST button I believe it will be followed by an email stating that I am no longer needed for the coming semester or that they don't believe my ideas and writings meet the standards of the institution. "We don't like you."

Everyday I worked at Ridge Point was like this. Someone would ask if I could do something and my answer was always YES! I didn't know how I would get it done or even how to get started, but I would figure it out. "Jason has the time and know-how do anything."

The worst is when your wife and kids catch you being a phony. "You're not the person we thought you were." That's the worst.

I have to believe I am not all alone in feeling this emotion. You've felt it, right? There have been times when you felt like a phony too... You're not good enough. You're not the right fit. The other shoe will drop soon and everyone will find out about you.

If you've never felt this way, you are either extremely arrogant or have never pushed yourself to do something that is beyond what you've always done.

This is how we learn. We dive in to something that we don't know; something that we can't handle; something over our heads. We learn a thing or two about how to do it; how to make it work. We find others who are learning, or have learned, and get some help. After some time, we are tested and show mastery. Sometimes we even get to share what we've learned with someone who seems in over their heads. We're not phonies anymore; we've figured it out. And we move on to the next challenge.

It's called "sink or swim" or "fake-it-til-you-make-it". Others, I guess, call it LIFE.

The truth is, You are not a phony. We are all in over our heads.

When someone trusts that I can be something but I am not there yet, this does not make me a phony. It makes me human. It makes me someone who is learning. Someone who is trying. Someone who will soon blow your socks off.

When you feel like this, keep swimming. Keep faking it. Keep working and learning and asking questions. Experiment with what seems like a good idea at the time. Recognize your growth and name the next stage in the process. Move away from people who discourage you. Move toward those who are willing to bet on your success. Set goals. Be inspired, not demoralized, by the progress of others. And be honest. Because lying to yourself and others about who you truly are, and your willingness to do the hard work of learning, is the first step toward becoming a phony.

Consider this blog post my permission to you to not be an expert in everything you do today. It is OK to be in process.

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How are you in-over-your-head right now?